Check Out Bones

If you aren't watching Bones on Fox, then you're missing out. Only one episode into its second season, the show and its leads have really gelled. David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel have a great chemistry, and the show's writing and stories have gotten better and better. Do yourself a favor and give it a try!

Tom Cruise Reaching for Any Kind of Life Raft

That's what it seems like to me. After the devastating embarrassment of being called to the carpet by one of the Viacom/Paramount heads, Tom Cruise's stock is lower than it's been in probably 15 years. There's no new movie to promote, and his new deal with Six Flags and the Redskins owner to produce movies has been met with little enthusiasm. So to stay in the news, and help his dismal approval ratings, Cruise decides it's time to apologize to Brooke Shields.

Yep. Shields says, "And through it all, I was so impressed with how heartfelt it was. And I didn't feel at any time that I had to defend myself, nor did I feel that he was trying to convince me of anything other than the fact that he was deeply sorry. And I accepted it."

Sounds to me like Cruise is doing whatever he can to salvage a career and some respect. My guess is we won't see any wonky behavior captured on Oprah or tv of Cruise any time soon. Maybe even no press releases dealing with Scientology.

Bye, Bye Fat Momma

I was so sad last night that Fat Momma didn't win Sci Fi's Who Wants to be a Superhero. If you didn't follow the reality show, it was a great mix of crazy, earnest contestants and zany elimination challenges. Fat Momma (see pic) is a 42 year-old mother who is overweight and can turn 5 times her size by eating a donut. She's fantastic, but she lost to Feedback, a nerdy geek who has always wanted to be a superhero.

My question is, where else are you going to see a fat, black woman superhero with a huge heart? Nowhere....I'm sad.

Bye, Bye, Angela

I'm not really all that disappointed that Angela was kicked off Project Runway tonight, but I'm a bit bummed big-necked Jeffrey is still on. I was hoping it would be his night to get the boot, but instead he won.

All the twists this season have been great--from designing clothes for a dog to getting whisked off to Paris to see how travel-ready their garments are. The only thing that could spoil the season would be if Jeffrey or Vincent won, but I can't see that happening--knock on wood.

Pick a Katie Couric

Several news outlets are reporting that CBS has doctored a promotional photo of their new star Katie Couric to make her look thinner. You can see it here.

Katie hasn't even started the real job yet and there is already a scandal. I bet she's pissed.

Mute Button for Celebrity Duets

A few thoughts on last night's premiere of Celebrity Duets:

• Waaaaaay too long a premiere episode. Went by deathly slow. Not sure I'll watch a whole show again.
• The celebrities got better on their second time around, but did you notice that the real singers didn't much want to be on the show? They barely talked to camera, and it was pretty clear they hadn't really practiced with the stars. Dancing with the Stars works because there is a rapport between the celebs and the dancers. No rapport here though.
• Marie Osmond isn't funny, isn't smart, and is just kind of blah as a judge. And while Little Richard got off to a slow start, his excited stuttering and crazy gay come-ons appeared later in the show. He is fantastic to watch in a train wreck kind of way.
• I love Hal Sparks. Always have, always will. But he needs to stop screaming into the microphone.
• As for Jai Rodriguez, I was wrong. He's not a no-talent: he can sing. And actually, should he even be on the show as a non-singing celeb? His first big career break was a lead in the Broadway musical Rent! I smell a ringer!
• My brother called me three times during the show last night. Neither one of us could believe the absolutely hideous "songs" and "notes" coming out of Lea Thompson's and Carly Patterson's mouths. It was cringe-inducing.

Celebrity Duets on Tonight

I'm giddy with anticipation at the thought of watching Hal Sparks, Cheech Marin, and Lucy Lawless sing on live television. Throw in some other C and D list celebrities and a few surprise musicians, and tonight's Celebrity Duets on Fox certainly has all the earmarks of a fabulous reality show. The only drawback is having to actually listen and/or see Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye. I pray he doesn't talk in his mock-sensitive voice or try to be funny. We all know how much of a no-talent I think he is.

Matt LeBlanc at a Stripper's House

It was pretty crazy for NBC to think that people would be so desperate for anything Friends-related that they would voluntarily watch Matt LeBlanc's show Joey last year. Sure, the character of Joey had his funny moments with the other friends, but he was certainly the weak link (chacter-wise and as an actor).

Well, last year in August, Matt LeBlanc admitted to hooking up with a stripper at a private room in a club and after a teary apology to his wife, he still ended up getting divorced a few months later. Well now the stripper is saying that the action wasn't at the club at all--Matt came back to her house! And she's suing him for defamation for what he said to the Enquirer in 2005. Ouch! I say it's fitting for a no-talent like LeBlanc. Good riddance.

Entourage Seaon Finale

It's heartbreaking to think about waiting until January to see Entourage again. It has got to be one of the funniest, snarkiest, most enjoyable shows on television. Watching Jeremy Piven jump up and down and scream is cathartic. And if you saw last night's episode, you know that somehow Ari is going to get the boys back in his corner when the new season starts in 07. They may have fired Ari, but he'll be Vince's agent again soon enough.

No DNA Match for JonBenet Suspect

John Mark Karr's DNA clears him? Well that's a shocker! The guy is certainly nuts, but did anybody really think he was the killer? No way.

Emmy Hits and Misses

I haven't had time to fully digest the Emmy winners from last night, but here are my preliminary thoughts:

• Rock on Helen Mirren for winning actress in a miniseries. She's an amazing actress, she looked noble and beautiful and she had the best joke the night, "the real accomplishment is making up these steps and not going feet over tits."
• Also...kudos to Jeremy Piven for his first win. He even got teary in his speech. The only negative was that ascot thing he was wearing instead of a tie.
• And who would've thunk it that Julia Louis-Dreyfus would win? I was excited for her.
• 24 took best drama, directing, and acting for Kiefer Sutherland. That was a surprise to everyone.
• Sooooo happy West Wing got shut out, especially Allison Janey. And in that vein, also tickeld that William Shatner didn't win or anything from Curb Your Enthusiasm.
• I was a bit sad that Mariska Hargitay won best actress over Frances Conroy from Six Feet Under. Seems like everyone in Hollywood thought Kyra Sedwick had it locked.
• Oh, and even with its crapass family season, The Amazing Race somehow beat out Project Runway. That was kind of nuts too!
• Wasn't too excited that Sandra Oh or Chandra Wilson didn't win for Grey's Anatomy. Don't get me wrong, I love the winner Blythe Danner (who has more talent in her pinky finger that her "I'm so arty" daughter Gwenyth. But I really don't like the show Huff.

Who the Emmys Missed

Every year the Emmys miss some great actors and it's just a shame. But in a parallel dimension somewhere, all these people were nominated and I was really happy:

• Lauren Graham, best actress in a comedy, Gilmore Girls. The buzz is that the Emmy rules were changed this year in part to help her get a nod because WB and UPN can't ever get nominations. But Lauren submitted a strangely whiney episode and didn't get the nomination.
• Kristen Bell, best actress in a drama, Veronica Mars. This girl has taken away a bit of the sting of Buffy being off the air. She's really quirky, funny, and downright talented.
• Edie Falco, best actress in a drama, The Sopranos. Yes, she's won before. But this was her best year ever. I was shocked she wasn't given a nod.
• Jeremy Piven, best actor in a comedy, Entourage. I have no idea why he was nominated instead for supporting actor.
• Mary McDonnell, best supporting actress in a drama, Battlestar Galactica. Folks, the show (and Mary) are just that good.
• Terry O'Quinn (Locke) and Josh Holloway (Sawyer) are both fantastic on Lost. They should get supporting actor noms.
• Marcia Cross, best actress in a comedy, Desperate Housewives. She was robbed, robbed I tell you. This year there was almost nothing good about the show, except for Bree. She had some fantastic scenes.
• Ellen Pompeo, best actress in a drama, Grey's Anatomy. The show has gotten so many kudos, but really the character of Meredith is the linchpin. Her deep sorrow, her goofiness, and issues hold the show together. I think the role is flashy, but certainly hard to play.

More Words for Lindsay Lohan

"You can't show up late...It's very, very disrespectful," William H. Macy said of Lindsay Lohan on the press junket for his new movie Everyone's Hero. He continues, "I think what an actor has to realize...when you show up an hour late, 150 people have been scrambling to cover for you. There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 people scramble. It's nothing but disrespect. And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they're God's gift to the film. It's inexcusable, and they should have their asses kicked."

Ouch! Rock on, William H.

I Don't Think Taylor Hicks is Gay...

One of the tabloids recently had an article about Taylor Hicks' sordid gay past. I don't believe it--there's no way he's a homo. But it turns out that Hicks' former Alabama producer has been selling Taylor's old songs on iTunes and when Taylor got a judge to stop the songs, the producer got nasty. He said he had turned down big-time money offers to talk of Taylor's lurid sexual and drug-using past. Eeek.

Lost Scoop on E! Online

Kristin at E! Online just visited the set of Lost and has some juicy tidbits to share today. They include:

• Desmond, Henry Gale, and Tom Cruise's cousin (Ethan) will all play a large part in the story this season.
• The hatch is gone. No more. The set is pulled down so we won't see it anymore.
• Could Claire be Jack's half-sister?
• The Others live in a crazy location (not those tents) that we haven't seen yet.
• We'll find this season why Locke was wheelchair-bound.

Emmy Ponderings

I've been waiting to talk about the Emmys because the nominations came out months before this weekend's awards and the nominee ommissions were more glaring than usual. For a complete list of nominations you can visit GoldDerby.com. Tomorrow I'll mention people who should have been nominated. But here are my musings on this year's nominees:

• Fantastic that Jeremy Piven was nominated for Entourage. But why supporting? That makes ab-so-lute-ly no sense. Everyone knows he's the heart of the show.
• Glad to see that Grey's Anatomy did so well: a best drama series nomination and props to Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson for supporting nods.
• Rock on, Lisa Kudrow (The Comeback), Jean Smart (24), and Steve Carrell (The Office)--all under-appreciated actors.
• Nice that no one forgot about Peter Krause and Frances Conroy in the final season of Six Feet Under. They're up for actor and actress. And cheers to remembering Arrested Development up for best comedy.
• But I can't can't can't believe The West Wing get nominated as best drama for it's lousy final season. And Allison Janney might have had a great last episode, but she almost never on the show last season. Honestly, she could crap on the toilet for a whole episode and they would still give her an Emmy.
• How did Alfre Woodard get nominated for a ridiculous ridiculous role and performance on Desperate Housewives? And Stockard Channing got nominated for best actress in her Out of Practice show which had like 3 episodes before getting canceled!

The Emmys got a lot of (deserved) crap from critics for the crazy nominations this year. The judging system was changed, but the votes still seem arbitrary with people voting for shows or performances they have never seen. Probably the biggest uproar in the nominations has been Ellen Burstyn's supporting actress nomination for HBO's miniseries Mrs. Harris. Turns out Burstyn is only in the movie for a total of 14 seconds in an unnamed role. The people who voted simply saw her name and said, "Oh, Ellen Burstyn! I know her from movies. She must be good in this."

The Best Project Runway Ever!

I'm not kidding. Last night's episode was so good that I had to spontaneously react and chat with strangers, sweaty strangers, at the gym. The designers found out that they had to design for an "everyday woman" and then their own mothers and sisters marched out on the runway as their models! Of course there was a catch: the designers had to design for someone else's mom or sis. Ack!

A few thoughts:

• Somehow Vincent won the challenge, which is nuts because his dress wasn't that pretty. It should have been Uli's glamorous, stylish piece.
• I still say (as I've said from day 1) Uli will win the whole shebang.
• I was sad to see Robert (and his mole) leave the show, but he really hasn't created anything of note lately. So his exit wasn't that much of a surprise.
• Wasn't it funny how alike the designers and their mothers were? Whether they looked alike, or acted alike, it made me laugh.
• A (sweaty) woman at the gym got pissed when fuckhead Jeffrey berated Angela's mother. The gym lady said, "If I were Angela, I would bitchslap his ass."
• I think the bitchslap-deserving Jeffrey will be the next to leave the runway. I hope so anyway!

Sticking it to Tom Cruise

Pretty hilarious that the same day Paramount drops Tom Cruise on his flat ass, the studio hires the South Park creators. Remember Tom has had it in for the guys since this year's "Trapped in the Closet" episode of South Park devoted to Scientology. It realllly sucks to be Tom Cruise today.

Stargate SG-1 Not Dead

I was a bit sad yesterday when I heard that Stargate SG-1 was being cancelled at the end of this (it's 10th) season on Sci Fi. I mean, how was I going to get a weekly fix of Ben Browder? But it turns out that MGM, the company that owns the franchise, is looking to have the series move toward television movies and possibly even another feature film. (Remember the tv show is based on the 1994 movie with Kurt Russell and James Spader). And...some of the main characters may just migrate to the newer show Stargate Atlantis.

Schadenfreude Delight

About a month ago we talked about how Tom Cruise's usual huge money deal with Paramount was about to be whittled down. Well, I guess I was wrong. Turns out, Paramount has fired Tom Cruise flat-out. Viacom head Sumner Redstone says of Cruise, "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount." Fan-fucking-tastic!

Look for a tiny trail of red in tonight's starry sky. It's Tom Cruise's ego as it falls to earth from its degrading orbit. Now Tom's ego can soar at the same true height as his star status: the front porch light of the Church of Scientology headquarters.