Let's Talk Harry Potter Details

First, I should say that I'm not a Harry Potter fanatic. Not at all. I think they're great books, but I don't own any of the movies or have a Harry Potter ringtone on my cell phone or anything. I just really appreciate the books and the world Rowling has invented.

That being said, I should say that I did love Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. For me, it was one of the best--if not THE best--of the seven books. While there were some problems, I think Rowling did a magnificent job balancing the expectations of her millions of readers with an ending to the series that felt organic and tied things together nicely.

Things I didn't particularly like:
1) Some of the pacing was off. Soooo much time was spent in the woods with Hermione and Ron. And stopping the major battle scene twice for extended "back story" issues made no sense to me.
2) Though Snape died protecting Harry to the end, I wish his death had been more "noble." You know, laughing at Voldemort and jumping in front of Harry to save him. And I hated that we only got to see Snape's memories, not here him talk to Harry.
3) And speaking of Snape, I wish there had been more of him in the book. He was in a total of three sections.
4) I was sure Sirius Black would come back from the "dead." I expected him to. I hoped for it. Sad it didn't happen. Though Harry has Ginny now, it'd be great if he had one defacto parent.
5) The actual Deathly Hallows didn't make much sense to me. It felt really tacked on.

Things I loved:
1) Neville killing the snake.
2) That Snape was good, and when Harry told his son that Snape was the bravest wizard he ever knew. (I'm even getting choked up writing this!)
3) The book tied up things nicely, from Harry's awful cousin Dudley caring about Harry, to Bellatrix getting her comeuppance from Mrs. Weasley.
4) I'm happy that no major good guys I cared about (other than Snape) bit the dust.
5) The battle at the end of the book will be great to see as a movie. I love that all the characters contributed in their own way. I was grinning ear to ear while reading those scenes. (How about McGonagall screaming "Charge!" as she led a group of Hogwart's desks into battle?)
6) The epilogue rocked my world. And while I would have liked to know more about Harry's present-day life, I realized the epilogue did was it was meant to do: bring the story full circle with Harry and Ginny's and Ron and Hermione's kids heading off to school.

On the Fear of Harry Potter Spoilers...

The Monday after Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out, my friend Lars and I had lunch at a Greek restaurant to discuss the book. I had torn through the book and finished it that past Saturday afternoon, but Lars had only read the last few pages that morning. We decided we should compare notes.

As we began to discuss the book, a woman suddenly looked over and glared at us. I saw her clutching the tell-tale yellow hardcover book in her hands as tightly as if it were the ring in The Lord of the Rings, or even a horcrux you might say. Now, a small part of me understands her frustration, but what I can't comprehend is how she could expect to move through the world and not be spoiled by the fastest, best-selling book ever. It's like people who say to me, "don't go talking about Lost tomorrow, I'm not going to be able to watch it until this weekend." They say this knowing the season finale is all anyone will be talking about the next day. WTF?

Granted, I've got a big mouth. But I feel like the onus about not being spoiled is on the person terrified of being spoiled. And there's a really simple solution to not being spoiled: read the damn book.

I can already hear it from some of you: "easier said than done." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, I read blazingly fast. And yes, it's a 759 page book. (Oh, does that count as a spoiler?) But if you know that this book is coming out, plan ahead people. Go ahead and get the other books out of the way. Cancel that weekend trip you were gonna take.

Anyway...I wanted to get this off my chest. I have some very lovely friends--many many in fact--who have not finished the book. Most have asked politely, "Oh, please don't talk to me about Harry Potter until I'm done." And with that kind of request, I'm more than happy to oblige. It's just that every time I opened my mouth last week, about ANYTHING...some friends and colleagues would offer a loud SHHHHH! So I'm tired of it.

I'm free of my Harry Potter bonds and I'm coming out of the closet. Yes, I've read the last Harry Fucking Potter. Every page. Every word. And at any moment I can tell you whether he lives or dies. In fact, fair warning...tomorrow I'm discussing it in detail.

To Rub or to Lather?

A few weeks ago I was in Denver for a conference and one my colleagues gave me a cute little tube of hand cream. I'm glad she did because it was completely dry there in the shadow of the mountains with no humidity, and I had just come from Swampland, USA (Washington DC).

Most of the wording on the tube is in french, but the cream smells really really good. I've been using it for about a week--since she gave it to me. It's kind of silky and nice, and maybe a touch girly. But not too bad.

So today I'm on the phone talking to a friend, and I start putting the hand cream on. The one thing I've noticed is that it never really seems to be soaked up by my skin completely--it's just a bit greasier than I'd like. So I'm putting it on and as I screw back on the cap I catch a glimpse of the top of the tube where it says in bold green capital letters: SHAMPOO.

Harry Potter Death Count #3

Finsihed the book Saturday afternoon. Three more of the good guys died--bringing my unofficial count of the death of those I care about to 7. Very surprising who died and who didn't.

More on the book later this week. But it was a great read and a fitting conclusion!

Harry Potter Death Count #2

I'm not at page 637 in the new Harry Potter book. Two more heroes have died. Alas...all does not look good.

Harry Potter Death Count

I am just beginning chapter 13 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (page 243), and I can tell you that already two doers of good have bitten the dust. The first was very very unexpected. The second, not so much.

But so far the book is great.

Harry Potter vs. Buffy Summers

The headline is a little misleading, I'll admit. But tonight does mark the convergence of two pop culture icons in my life. The wizard hero and the vampire slayer are both playing prominent roles in my Friday night, and I've realized I may be the nerdiest 36 year-0ld in Washington D.C.

I'm going with a group of friends to the restored Avalon Theater at 11:30 p.m. tonight to watch a sing-along screening of "Once More with Feeling," the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer from season 6. And just after Buffy ends, I'm rocketing to my friend Lars' place where he'll have my brand new copy of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Initially I was going to stand in line with Lars at the bookstore at midnight to get the book and feel the frenzy of all the little kids who are excited about Harry. But, knowing Lars would pick up my book for me, Buffy won. I decided to forego standing in line and to sing instead, but I still know tonight is going to be a busy night for me when it comes to magic and mayhem.

AFI Top 100 Films

What do the following movies have in common: Wuthering Heights, Rebel Without a Cause, The Manchurian Candidate, The Birth of a Nation, My Fair Lady, From Here to Eternity, and Frankenstein? They are seven of the 23 movies that were dropped from the American Film Institute's newly updated list of Top 100 American Films.

Other jaw-dropping boots from the list include: Doctor Zhivago, All Quiet on the Western Front, The Third Man, Stagecoach, The Jazz Singer, A Place in the Sun, and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

I know it's all a matter of taste. And sure, I'm happy that Robert Altman's epic Nashville made the cut this time, along with Peter Bogdanovich's The Last Picture Show. And who doesn't love Bladerunner or Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf getting a deserved nod? But come on, there are some glaring headscratchers in the updated list, especially when you remember we're talking about the Top 100 American films E-V-E-R!

• Toy Story coming on board as Fantasia disappears?
• Adding Do the Right Thing and Saving Private Ryan while booting Mutiny on the Bounty and Giant?

Too weird my friends, too weird. But at least most of the ranking made as much sense as possible. Citizen Kane is still #1, followed by The Godfather and then Casablanca. You should check out the list yourself and see a) how many of the movies you've seen; and b) if you disagree with the order or any that are on the list. AFI has the new list with ranking changes and new additions marked. Strangely, they have not listed any of the movies that were dropped. Maybe they're trying to skirt criticism.

Being the Ultimate Washington Insider

My friend Scott Shrake is not nearly as cute as my neice Addie, but he does have a new blog entry on Huffingtonpost.

Addie Pic of the Day

Frankie from Real World Dies

Realityblurred.com is reporting that Frankie Abernathy from Real World San Diego has died of complications from cystic fibrosis.

You can see the pic of Frankie above, but she was the skinny redhead with all the piercings. Always kind of goth. I have to admit that at the time of the show, I thought Frankie's health problems were about as grave as former Seattle cast member Irene and her lyme disease. Frankie was such a drama queen and was always playing the martyr.

But I was officially wrong, I guess. I don't know a thing about cystic fibrosis, but with her health issues it was actually quite remarkable that she chose to do a reality tv show. Or maybe she did it just so she could take her mind off her health. In any event, though I never knew the real Frankie, it's strange that a "character" from one of my most longterm shows has died. After like 16 Real Worlds, Frankie is only the second cast member to have passed away--the first being Pedro Zemora.

Sopranos Finale

I just read an interesting article which talks about the phenomenal ratings of The Sopranos finale last Sunday. Evidently the episode was the 2nd highest rated show on television that week, even though only 30 million American homes have HBO. A staggering 11.9 million people tuned in.

I'm not sure how many of you watched, but I thought the show was completely back in form. It reminded me of the early Sopranos, funny, tension-filled, and compelling. For me, the show's only real problem (aside from breaks that were sometimes over a year long) has been the widely inconsistent tone. I get that the show's a mob drama, but there were a number of episodes that were so obsessively dark, and so awkwardly horrible, that they weren't worth watching to me--they became cartoonish. Just as there were other episodes that wandered into complete writerly masturbation--David Chase making a clear choice to see just what he could actually get away with.

But all in all, I can't think of show with more painstakingly crafted characters. We witnessed moments in these peoples' lives--ha, these character's lives--that ranged from the mundane to the extraordinary, and so many were completely moving, and terrifyingly genuine. That is why I was completely satisfied with the series finale last Sunday.

The humor, the paranoia--it felt right to me. I'm not always the biggest fan of David Chase--he can be as heavy handed as anyone I've ever read, pounding out the obvious--but the last scene in the diner was pitch perfect. Did Tony die? Was it just a dinner as usual? Could Meadow be the only one spared? We'll never know. But I think I'd rather not know. People who say the ending was a cop out are wrong. Stopping mid-scene with a jarring black screen and no music--for me, that was a risk. The obvious thing would have been for there to be a bloodbath in the last few minutes, and The Sopranos rarely ever worked toward the obvious.

Sex and the (WTF?) City!

E Online is reporting that finally a new Sex in the City movie is in the works. I had this idea filed under "when pigs fly." Who knew?

Waitress and Knocked Up

In the past few weeks I've been able to see two fairly good summer movies, both small (or smallish) compared to the newest Pirates and Spider-Man. My expectations for both Waitress and Knocked Up were too high. Both movies were good, but neither was great.

Waitress is quirky and fun. And what's not to love about Keri Russell and Nathan Fillon? It's just that for as fun as the movie was, it did feel a bit too precious--a bit too clever for its own good. But I enjoyed the film overall, and there were some really touching moments. It's a real tragedy to think that director Adrienne Shelly won't get to hone her craft and make more movies (she was murdered last year in New York). Waitress can be laugh-out-loud funny at times and really does comed together pretty cohesively. And for a director's first movie that's an incredible feat.

Knocked Up isn't a small indie darling like Waitress but it is still finely crafted and overall a good movie. Following The 40 Year Old Virgin, director Judd Apatow delivers a strange mesh of a romantic comedy and a guy's guy movie. It felt like Porky's had a baby with When Harry Met Sally which worked sometimes, but other times fell flat. Katherine Heigl is as gorgeous and funny as ever, but I'm not sure Seth Rogen can carry a film. It's not just that she's a 10 and he's a 5. For me, Rogen just doesn't have the "leading man" charisma the part takes. But the movie is funny and certainly worth your $10. Curb your expectations some and both movies can be a welcome retreat from the summer weather and blockbuster fare.

It's Been a While

From my trip to Peru to getting prepared for my organization's annual convention in Vegas next week, it's been a really busy time. Sorry I haven't had the chance to blog much and address some great topics like my new niece Addison or how travelling with my mother to Machu Picchu has changed my outlook on life some.

But one thing that's quick and dirty for me to talk about is television. And I can say that though it's been a fantastic year with Brothers & Sisters, Heroes, Lost and some other shows, I really feel like some of the season finales have let me down.

Case in point--Gilmore Girls. It wasn't even a great episode. Good, but eh? You'd expect a season--and series!--finale to pull out all the bells and whistles while still staying true to its core. But GG didn't do either. I felt like the characters were a bit lost, and really I didn't get the GG love vibes I was expecting.

Heroes and Desperate Housewives left me nonplussed too. I think everyone in the world realized nearly two months ago exactly how Heroes was going to end. And Housewives? Well, it was boring as hell except for Edie kicking the bucket. (Or did she?)

Anyway...there have been two saving graces. Brothers & Sisters was amazing on Sunday. It's the only part of my Sunday television viewing where I turn off my computer, I stop folding clothes, I don't even pet the cats. It deserves my attention because it's so damn fun to watch. And the finale was just the same: funny, sappy, intriguing, and just plain feel-good. I think the show is really one of my favorites to watch and enjoy. It's no grand work of art...but it's fantastic.

And that leaves me with Lost. I keep hearing there is a game-changing thing in the works in the finale. I'll be honest, my feelings about the this year's tv season probably (unfairly) hinge on the season finale of Lost. So much is at stake, so much has changed, and for the first time in years--I'm spoiler free. I just hope the Lost team doesn't let me down.

Machu Picchu Pics

Hey y'all. You can find all my 400 pics from my trip to Peru here.

Things I Didn´t Know about Peru

While I am waiting to go out and spend some afternoon time in Lima, I thought I´d sit down and write a few surprises I´ve encountered during my trip. Yáll are probably smarter than me and knew all this, but oh well.

1) Spanish is the SECOND language spoken by most of the people outside the big cities. In Cuzco, for example, Quechua is the native tongue--though everyone does speak Spanish.

2) In Peru, people don´t flush toilet paper down the toilet. Even used toilet paper is put in a little basket by the toilet. This is true in homes and restaurants and such, but also hotels.

3) Americans use the word Inca incorrectly. Inca is the ruler of the Quechua people. So when we talk about Inca ruins, what we really mean is ruins the Quechua people built for their Inca.

4) There is still a lot of resentment toward the spanish in Peru--especially in Cuzco and the Sacred Valley towns. While the Quechua are now almost all Catholic, they resent what the Dominicans did to their native culture.

5) One US dollar is 3.2 soles in Peru. A beer is 8 soles. A Big Mac is 4.5 soles. A real steal because of the strength of our dollar. But food and flowers are two things that are cheap even for the native people in Peru. We were looking at elaborate flower arrangements in church--ones that would have cost upwards of $75 or $100 in the US. These same flowers cost about $10 in Peru.

6) All hotels in Lima, Cuzco, and the Sacred Valley seem to have outlets that support US electronics. I brought an adaptor with me, but didn´t need it.

7) Potatoes and Lima beans are indigenous to Peru. There are over 200 kinds of potatoes--black, blue, yellow, red. And the Georgia staple, the Lima Bean, came from Peru. (Yeah, the name should have given it away long ago to me)

8) Ecalyptus trees are native to Peru. I´m not sure why that surprises me, but it does. Oh, and there´s no real tree line in the Andean mountains. Mountains as high as 13, 14, and 15,000 feet never ever get snow. The snow line starts around 18,000 feet.

That´s it for now. If I bored you, sorry.

Things I Didn´t Know about Peru

While I am waiting to go out and spend some afternoon time in Lima, I thought I´d sit down and write a few surprises I´ve encountered during my trip. Yáll are probably smarter than me and knew all this, but oh well.

1) Spanish is the SECOND language spoken by most of the people outside the big cities. In Cuzco, for example, Quechua is the native tongue--though everyone does speak Spanish.

2) In Peru, people don´t flush toilet paper down the toilet. Even used toilet paper is put in a little basket by the toilet. This is true in homes and restaurants and such, but also hotels.

3) Americans use the word Inca incorrectly. Inca is the ruler of the Quechua people. So when we talk about Inca ruins, what we really mean is ruins the Quechua people built for their Inca.

4) There is still a lot of resentment toward the spanish in Peru--especially in Cuzco and the Sacred Valley towns. While the Quechua are now almost all Catholic, they resent what the Dominicans did to their native culture.

5) One US dollar is 3.2 soles in Peru. A beer is 8 soles. A Big Mac is 4.5 soles. A real steal because of the strength of our dollar. But food and flowers are two things that are cheap even for the native people in Peru. We were looking at elaborate flower arrangements in church--ones that would have cost upwards of $75 or $100 in the US. These same flowers cost about $10 in Peru.

6) All hotels in Lima, Cuzco, and the Sacred Valley seem to have outlets that support US electronics. I brought an adaptor with me, but didn´t need it.

7) Potatoes and Lima beans are indigenous to Peru. There are over 200 kinds of potatoes--black, blue, yellow, red. And the Georgia staple, the Lima Bean, came from Peru. (Yeah, the name should have given it away long ago to me)

8) Ecalyptus trees are native to Peru. I´m not sure why that surprises me, but it does. Oh, and there´s no real tree line in the Andean mountains. Mountains as high as 13, 14, and 15,000 feet never ever get snow. The snow line starts around 18,000 feet.

That´s it for now. If I bored you, sorry.

Cuzco, Guinea Pigs, and Sexy Women

Cuzco has been a blast. Just imagine a city where most of the architecture is built on top of walls that were created in 1100 AD. Just crazy old and fantastic.

Wednesday--We saw every old church possible in Cuzco, including one that has a cross which Pisarro´s own people carried when they first came to the city in the 1500´s. We also spent a lot of time at the Temple of the Sun, probably the best, most precise Inca walls ever built. Of course the Dominicans came and put a church on top of it, so you can´t see most of the original.

Thursday--Today is only half over but it was jam-packed with sights and sounds. We started the day by going to a traditional market in Cuzco. Think of the biggest farmers´market you can imagine and then make it twice as crowded, twice as dirty, and 4 or 5 times as cheap. It was miraculous. Rows of chocolate and fresh cheeses right up against hanging dried llama fetuses and racks of fresh butchered meats.

After the market we went to Sasqyunhuaman. I spelled it wrong, but oh well. It´s an Inca ruin from the 1400´s just north of the city--three rows of huge rounded walls that you can´t wrap your head around. Some of the stones weigh up to 300 tons. It was incredible. But every time a peruvian says the name of the site, I always think they´re saying, ¨sexy woman.¨

For lunch we had some new stuff including alpacca and pork (with the skin attached). But the highlight had to have been when they brought a whole guinea pig out on a plate. Ugh. I just wasn´t brave enough to try it, though I´ve tried everything else.

Tomorrow we head to Lima. Then it´s Miami on Sat and back to DC on Sunday. More later

Machu Picchu

Well, I have just spent the past two days in Aguas Calientes and Machu Picchu and want to give you all a brief rundown.

Monday--In the morning, we visited a class of 5th graders in a local school. They were so fantastic and hugging us and going nuts. Nearly all of them want to be tour guides when they grow up. I never knew the Peruvian economy was so bad, and evidently tourism has turned everything around. Then we took the train from Ollataytamba to Aguas Calientes, the small town just 25 minutes driving from the ruins.

We got to the ruins at about 230 or so and it was beautiful--more spectacular than you can imagine. We walked around for three hours taking in most of the lower level sights, though we did climb to a high tower that houses the "hitching post of the sun." We also got the classic picture of the ruins with the mountain behind.

As we were leaving, the sun was setting and we were basically the only people at the ruins. I´m not sure much can compare--even my years in Alaska. Later that night all of us went to get pizza and beer (no kidding). We played a hilarious game called Sapo where you try to throw gold coins in a metal frog´s mouth. I, of course, sucked at it.

Tuesday--we got to the ruins at 7 a.m. and my mother and I walked with a married couple on our tour, and with our tour guide, to the top of the mountain you always see in the Machu Picchu pics. Yes, the top of that f´ing tall mountain. We climbed a total of 1500 feet I think. This is fairly remarkable considering our hotel was another 2000 feet lower than the ruins!

I´ll describe the ruins in another blog. They were magical. And we saw chinchillas in the wild among the ruins. And llamas too. We took the train this afternoon and now we´re in Cuzco, the first city of the Incas. Can´t wait to explore tomorrow.

Talk to all of you soon. Sorry to be brief and not very detailed. It´s killing the writer in me, but I figure it´s neater to get something out while we´re actually here in Peru.

Hello from Peru

It´s late Sunday afternoon and I wanted to catch all of you up on the trip to Peru I´m taking with my mother. It´s been unbelievably beautiful here, but we´ve done so much hiking, walking, eating, and even rafting that I´m dead tired.

Wednesday--we were in Miami and didn´t do much. Simply took a boat ride around the rich islands in the bay. We had a 1 a.m. flight that night to Lima.

Thursday and Friday--we hit the ground running in Peru. There are 12 of us on the tour, mostly older married couples, as I had anticipated. We saw lots of ancient sites in the city including old Incan pyramids and visited an Gregorian monestary and its catacombs. Friday night I actually ventured out to a gay bar and met some nice new friends. More on that another time.

Saturday--we flew from Lima (which is at sea level) to Cuzco, which is 11,000 feet. I´m pretty in shape, but I can tell you that you get tired more easily, and sometimes even lightheaded. We drove down from Cuzco to the Sacred Valley and Urabamba River (a lower elevation of 9,000 feet) where we visited the ancient Incan ruins of Pisac. It was a hellish hike, but really wonderful. We visited a llama farm where we also saw alpacas and vicunyas. Of course they made us drink lots of coca tea, which is supposed to help you adjust to elevation.

Sunday--we are still in the Sacred Valley which is really amazing. Our old monestary hotel has flowers blooming everywhere, even though Peru is entering its winter season. Today we visited another Incan site, the only one where the Incans actually defeated the Spanish. The name is too long and I don´t remember. Maybe Oyatollamba? Something like that. Then we did a rafting trip down the Urabamba River. Mom and I rode in front and we were completely drenched. But eating a huge picnic lunch after made it all worthwhile. After the picnic we visited a famous ceramics studio, but the highlight for me was petting the marmoset named Bellaluci.

Tomorrow is our first day at Machu Picchu.

Off to Peru

Not sure how many of you know, but I'm headed to Peru on Wednesday for twelve days. Specifically, I'm going to see Machu Picchu, but my tour also stops in Lima and Cuzco.

The funny part of the trip is that I'm headed there with my mother. She's great, but I'm sure we'll have some knock-down-drag-outs. We'll see.

I'll try to post from Peru if any of our hotels have internet access.

Ari Gold Quote of the Week

"Don't jump to conclusions, Lloyd. He might just want a pretty Mongolian face to look at over dinner."
--Jeremy Piven's character on HBO's Entourage works to convince his gay assistant that a gay client doesn't want in his pants.

An Amazing Website

Props to MDV for passing this great, hilarious website along. I can't spoil it for you. It is truly genius!

GRINDHOUSE Review

I was able to catch Grindhouse this weekend, the new double feature by the clever directing duo of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino. I whole-heartedly recommend the movie with two caveats: 1) you must be willing to take a wild, self-referential, bloody ride; and 2) you have to make it through the much-too-bloody first half by Rodriguez to uncover the real gem that is Tarantino's new movie.

Rodriguez and Tarantino should both get credit for having fun. That's what these two 90 minute movies are about. Unabashed crazy blood-and-guts wild-ass fun. From fake horror movie previews to grainy film and missing reels, the directors throw in every old school gimmick but the kitchen sink.

The first part of the movie, Rodriguez's Planet Terror, might as well be a video game. Full of fast-flying bullets and exploding zombies, the over-the-top gore finally just begins to wash over you after 45 mins or so. There are some laugh-out-loud moments, which you might expect. But who in the world could have known that Rose McGowan (of Scream and Charmed fame) could be such a kickass heroine? And cutie Freddy Rodriguez (from Six Feet Under) plays a charming, gun-toting love interest.

While Planet Terror has genuine moments of suspense, Tarantino's Death Proof is the movie that actually keeps you on the edge of your seat. You know from the movie trailer that Rose McGowan gets in Kurt Russell's "death proof" car, and he tries to kill her. But that's only about 1/4 of the movie. The rest of Death Proof is balls-to-the-wall girl power. Not since Buffy have I seen some gals kick such ass.

If you don't mind gore and you want to have some fun, Grindhouse will certainly fit the bill. You'll probably get squeamish during Rodriguez's first half, but hold tight because Tarantino's second half redeems the double feature as a whole. Now I just want Tarantino to get back to making another great drama, a la Pulp Fiction or Jackie Brown. Hell, even Kill Bill would do.

Addie and Her Uncle

My Humps

Most of you have seen this already, but props to my friend Cathy for sending it along. Alanis Morisette has covered Fergie's "My Humps" in his hilarious video. It's astounding, so be sure to take a look.

Today's Addie Pic

Your Daily Addy Pic

Addison Elizabeth Dunstan

Happy Birthday, Niece!

A 7lb 9 oz, 21 inches bundle of love! Congrats to my brother Adam and his wife Jenny. You can't imagine how exciting it is to have my first niece or nephew, and how happy the family is. More to follow when I stop blubbering.

Madonna and H&M Video

Props to Jeoff for forwarding me this hilarious Madonna commercial.

Mayans Rebuff Bush

This story in The Washington Post caught my eye because the title was so bizarre: "Priests to Purify Site After Bush Visit."

It's funny at first glance when you think about Mayan priests "chanting and burning incense, herbs and candles" to remove the "bad spirits" from Bush's visit. But the more you consider the relevancy, how over and over and over again other countries and their various communities are turning away from the war-mongering United States, the more disturbing this story gets.

A person speaking for the Mayans said, "That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture." He's certainly got a point, and it goes beyond how sick so many people are of Bush's faux-cowboy bravado. It shows that for more and more people, Bush's double-truths, greed, stubborness, and "fuck you" attitude have reached beyond simple machiavellian tactics to become almost the epitome of American political indifference, bullying, and evil.

What the Frak?

If you haven't watched this week's Battlestar Galactica then read no further. I'm warning you.

What the hell? I'm so confused. BSG is a great series, and last night was actually a good episode, but it felt a bit like Lost. After being promised big revelations and getting a huge build up, we learned zip, nada, zero.

Instead, a major character "died" for no reason, despite months of talk about her "destiny." It made no sense, and I'm hoping that the showrunners know where they're headed with this. And my hope is that Katee Sackhoff isn't off the show entirely--she gave a real spark to the series.

My guess is that Starbuck comes back as a Cylon in future episodes. Another friend has suggested that maybe it's her death that precipitates the discovery of Earth. In any case, the best show on television threw me a major curve ball last night, and I can't say I'm jazzed about it.

How Do These People Get Paid Millions?

I just read in Variety that ABC is doing a show about cavemen living in modern day Atlanta. Kind of like the Geico commericals.

WTF???

How do these tv people ever get paid what they get paid to come up with "ideas" like this. I mean...it's been a fairly non-funny commercial bit for a few years now, and that somehow translates to a "funny" sit com? I read this article and couldn't believe it. The only thing that's funny to me about the show in the making is that they chose Atlanta of all places.

Hardly Fun and Nancy Who?

So, it's raining like hell in DC tonight and nothing is on tv. After a quick stop to Amersterdam Falafel, I decide to take a sneak peek at the netflix treat I had been saving for this Sat or Sun afternoon: disc 1 from the 1976 Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries tv series. (I figured Family with Kristy McNichol has rocked enough 70's weekends lately--time for a change).

I climb up on the sofa and push play, just giddy to see Shaun Cassidy, Parker Stevenson and Pamela Sue Martin in all their wavy-haired glory. And there they are and guess what--it stinks.

Eh, stinks isn't really the word. The crazy ass music is just as eerie and good as I remember. But the "plot," (and I use quotations purposefully), is just terrible. No pacing, no story. Just lots of cats hissing, and mirrors, and trap doors, and screaming. Granted, Parker Stevenson is just as cute as I remember, riding around town in his underwear on his trail bike, but even Parker sans clothes just doesn't lift my spirits as much as I hoped he would. Plus the DVD has the shows out of order--there isn't a whiff of Nancy to be found, except in the credits. From what I remember, when the show was originally on, each week alternated between the boys and my Nancy.

So...I may just skip to season two, when the Hardy Boys actually meet Nancy Drew and they chase Dracula together. Perhaps then all will be right with the world. I can hope anyway...

West Bank Story

How many of you remember the super cute guy who won the Oscar last Sunday for his short film West Bank Story about a falafel stand caught up in the fight between Israel and Palestine? Ari Sandel's quick, empassioned speech about short films being a vehicle for new voices and talent was heartfelt and really stood out that night.

Turns out Ari is the brother of one of my friends Toby, from Alaska. West Bank Story was his MFA project in Directing from UCLA. Can you imagine winning an Oscar for your graduate thesis? Well, visit the site for Ari's movie West Bank Story. I'm going to order a copy.

(check out Ari and Steven Spielberg above, at the Academy Awards nominee luncheon in January).

Um, Well, Er, Harry Potter is Kind of Hot

People have been talking about Daniel Radcliffe in the London play "Equus," but I hadn't paid much attention. But now after seeing the pictures, I'm like, well, it's just, I don't know how to say it but Harry Potter is kind of hot.

Eddie Murphy and the Oscars

Ted Casablanca at E! is reporting that Eddie Murphy left the Oscars last night just after he lost. If you wondered why I was rooting for Alan Arkin and not Eddie Murphy, you have your main answer. I think Eddie feels entitled to the Oscar--which is ridiculous.

Think about the sound guy who has been nominated 19 times now and didn't win (again) last night. What about all the really great actors who don't have Oscars, including Peter O'Toole who (again) went home without Oscar gold last night.

IEddie is a brilliant comedian. I think he's hysterical. But in Dreamgirls his performance was only okay. Not terrible, not great. And really, his part didn't even have all that much meat to it. So I was hoping for Alan Arkin to get the win, and last night I was happy he took gold. Now after hearing that Eddie left the Oscars in a disappointed huff after losing, it makes me even happier Arkin won.

OSCARS!!!

I didn't win the work Oscar pool yesterday or the contest at my own party. The big trip-ups I made: 1) voting for Peter O'Toole because I honestly thought they'd give it to him after 7 previous nods. 2) I didn't catch on to the momentum for The Departed. I voted for Babel instead. 3) I also picked Pan's Labyrinth over The Lives of Others for foreign picture. Oops. So...those were major losses for me in terms of points. In terms of Oscars, I didn't too much care.

The things that did make me happy last night: that Alan Arkin won over Eddie Murphy, even after Murphy won every imaginable award before the Oscars. That's a twist I saw coming. I was also happy that Helen Mirren and Jennifer Hudson won, though we all both were fairly certain.

Aside from the terrible length of the broadcast, it was a fun show. DeGeneres was goofy and childlike, but not stupid. Though we could have done without 5 minute nominee sketches here and 5 minute music dedications there.

It was such a great year for movies that the Oscar nominations really seemed on the mark for the most part. And it seemed like November through January I saw a fantastic movie every weekend. Well, as I wrap this up, I leave us with the hotness that is Ryan Gosling.

Confused about Lost

Last week's Lost was incredible. It answered some mysteries, solved others. And I actually began to think that the writers knew what they were doing. I got excited again about that show--which hasn't happened in nearly a year.

Then last night we get another esoteric "how in the world does this fit in" episode. Sure, there was maybe one shock or two, but the showrunners don't seem to understand the thin ice they're on with most people. Everyone I know who watches the show, or used to, is just kind of fed up with the storyline. And "filler" shows like last night's, don't really help.

Where is Paker Stevenson?

I admit, I'm feeling nostalgic lately. This past Sunday I actually watched four episodes of the television show Family from 1976. You know, the show with Kristy McNichol and the mother (Sada Thompson) who had soul-less eyes? Anyway, I was only like 5 or so when the show started, but it was certainly in my consciousness--I remember the sad music, the longful glances, and it did make McNichol a star (and frequent contestant on Battle of the Network Stars).

But I was terribly surprised to discover that it wasn't just Mike Nichols' baby--the show had writers and directors such as the Thirtysomething guys Herskovitz and Zwick. Sigh, I miss them. And double sigh that I never really got to appreciate the brother on the show, Gary Frank, when he was in his prime (see above far right). As far as I can tell, he embodied all that was hot and steamy in the 70's.

I have ordered another Family DVD from Netflix and am also expecting a Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew DVD soon. Imagine my horror today to hear that no-talent Tom Cruise is turning the sleuthy brothers--one of my old favorite shows--into an action comedy vehicle for him and Ben Stiller. It truly makes me want to vomit. As old as Parker Stevenson is, he could still take the wee-little Tom Cruise in a fight.

Re: Tim Gunn--I Told You So

When Bravo was intimating months ago that they may go ahead on the next season of Project Runway without Tim Gunn, I said they were full of crap--they were bluffing and playing hardball with Gunn. Turns out, I was right.

Gunn announced that though he's leaving Parsons School of Design to work at Liz Claiborne, he's definitley in for the next season of Runway. My guess is that Bravo knew they couldn't fuck with a winning combination. Gunn is the heart of the show and his wit is priceless--just look at the difference between how well he does his job and how bloody awful that cutie Todd Oldham is on Top Design.

I honestly believe Runway would lose mega amounts of viewers if Gunn left. And even though Top Chef is doing well in the ratings, Bravo can't afford to lose Runway, the little show that could. It keeps building steam.

So, hurrah for Tim and hurrah for us! I can't wait.

Joss Whedon Says Adieu to Paradise Island

It sounded fun, didn't it? Buffyverse creator Joss Whedon signing on to develop and direct the new Wonder Woman film for Warner Brothers. Imagine what he could do with the mythology of Wonder Woman and Paradise Island. Think about the sharp quips Diana Prince could make as she deflected bullets with her magic bracelets.

But alas...it was not meant to be. Joss announced on Friday that he's left the film after more than a year of developing and writing a script (for which he reportedly received at least $2 million). My guess is that his Wonder Woman was a little too edgy, or he wanted to take too much creative license with the character's mythology.

Good news is--maybe this will free him up to work on more television goodness. I know he's doing another movie and two comic book series, but we can hope.

Mama Mia Fiasco

It slipped by my radar, but Variety reported last month that Meryl Streep will be playing the lead role in the movie adaption of the ABBA Broadway musical Mama Mia! While I think Streep has an amazing range, from Out of Africa to The Devil Wears Prada, I just can't see her in this. I wouldn't be surprised if she proved me wrong, but when I think about Streep singing "The Winner Takes it All," the emotional heart of the musical, I just get scared. I mean, can she even sing? Has anyone heard her sing?

Sadly, I've heard reports that Cher was up for the role initially. And this could have been just the kind of nutso, cool role she would have either completely made her own or just sunken into complete disaster. Either way, I think I would have loved it.

But my friends, the true indication that this movie is probably headed to flopsville is that it's produced by the no-talent Tom Hanks. Terribly Tommy has already cast his wife Rita Wilson and there is speculation that he's going to cast Bruce Willis as well.

Eh, I guess Rita could do this kind of fluffy stuff, though I'd rather see pretty much anybody else. Rita is like Tom--she's just kind of there as an actress, albeit 1000 times less annoying. But then you think about casting Bruce Willis? In a musical based on the music of ABBA? What-the-fuck?

We'll have to wait and see, but I'm hoping this is all one big early April Fool's Day joke. If not, we're in for a smorgasbord from Hell.

Finally Caught Babel

After missing Babel for the past few months, I finally took the time to catch it about a week ago. It's funny, because it hadn't gotten fantastic reviews I was skeptical. Sure it had Cate Blanchett and Gael Garcia Bernal, but I was like, "eh...if it were that good, someone would have said so."

Well, I'm saying so.

Babel is a long movie. A slow movie. And it isn't chock full of action either. But it has the kind of wonderful performances that just kind of mezmerize you. For me, Adriana Barraza steals the show as the Brad and Cate's nanny/housekeeper. She displays the uncannily real kind of fear a person has when he or she realizes that a life-changing mistake has just been made. And I'll tell you, Brad sure shines in his desperate role too.

My only real criticism of the film is that although I love the story about the deaf Japanese girl (played so well by Koji Yakusho), it didn't fit into the film well on a narrative or tonal level. Sure, Babel is all about how people in our world fail to connect. But Koji's story of dispair and distance from her father, didn't have the kind of cross-cultural relevance as the rest of the film. It felt tacked on.

But all in all, the movie's a gem. Know you'll be sitting in your seat for a while, and be patient. If you do, you're sure to learn a thing or two about taking a walk in someone else's shoes.

Pan's Labyrinth is a Great (Albeit Gory) Film

I was able to sneak in time this past weekend to see Guillermo del Toro's new film Pan's Labyrinth which I had been dying to see. It's one of those films that came out over a month ago in L.A. and New York and only made it to one theater in D.C. just this past weekend.

The movie is fantastic in both its originality and cinematography. Del Toro weaves a strangely realistic fairy tale set in Spain during the Spanish Civil War. A small girl named Ofelia has to battle both the monsters in her backyard labyrinth as well as the evil stepfather who is a captain in Franco's army.

The film gets a bit cluttered in characterization and does meander a bit, but overall it comes together well. And for those who hate fantasy films, Pan's Labyrinth may have a faun, and a giant toad, and a monter or two lurking about, but it's not meant to be a Lord of the Rings movie. No, it's firmly grounded in a bloody, terrifying, landscape of modern war. If anything, the gore is what was most surprising.

But for me, the real shocker is when the man with no eyes lifts his arms toward Ofelia and we see the strange eyeballs on the palms of his hands. Even though this scene was in the preview, I still think everyone in the theater gasped.

Grey's Anatomy Cast Member Lets Loose Again

Notice I used the words "cast member" not "star." And that's simply because Grey's Anatomy actor Isaiah Washington is probably the least integral, least stealthy actor on the show. Everything he does is over the top.

Kind of like when he and Patrick Dempsey (McDreamy) came to fistacuffs a few months ago after Washington called T.R. Knight (George) a faggot. All sorts of things happened: T.R. came out of the closet. The cast was banned from talking to the press.

Well this Monday Isaiah took the microphone during a Golden Globes post-show interview and suddenly yelled "I did not call T.R. Knight a faggot." The guy is nuts. Crazy. They just won best drama at the Globes, a great feat and moment for the cast and this moron taints everything in his bizarre and awkward attempt to save face.

The worst part is that he's a liar. T.R. Knight tells it like it is on Ellen Degeneres today. Grey's should dump Isaiah on his ass.

Notes on a Scandal

I haven't had a chance until today to talk about Notes on a Scandal which I saw this past weekend after Children of Men. As you would imagine, it contains superb performances by both Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett--two actresses I'd almost say can do no wrong.

I went in thinking it was going to be a prep school love story between a teacher and student, kind of having a sad nostalgia about it. But I couldn't have been more wrong. The movie is a tense drama, almost a thriller, where the tension builds and builds and builds until something finally has to collapse.

The powers that be are selling the movie in an odd way, with barely a glimpse of the movie and just suggesting you should see it for Dench and Blanchett alone. But my guess is that if they better diplayed the movie's tension and drama, they might get more than just an arthouse crowd. And I have to say that though Judi Dench has never looked uglier in a role (purposefully, I'm sure), where she goes dramatically was surprising as hell.

Trump Ratings Low, Rosie Screams at Barbara

I don't want to spend much time on this at all except to gloat that Trump's Apprentice debuted to its lowest ratings yet. It got beat by Desperate Housewives, Without a Trace, and Brothers & Sisters. Too bad Trump can funnel some of that crazybig ego into some solid ratings. Instead, he fires Carolyn and gets mean with Rosie, but to no avail.

Rosie herself got mean to Barbara Walters on Monday, or so PageSix says. The paper reports that the day she returned to the show after vacation she screamed at Barbara behind the scenes. Rosie said that Trump was telling the truth, and that Barabara regreeted hiring her. That's why Barbara never really defended her, or stood up to Trump and said he was lying.

Children of Men

I went into the scifi thriller Children of Men this weekend not really knowing what to expect. I love Julianne Moore and Clive Owen, but the movie seems to be completely under the radar. Maybe every once in a while a tv commercial will come on that says, "A Bladerunner for the 21st century," but that's about it.

But I'm glad I gave the movie a chance because was riveting. It was terribly difficult to watch and completely stressful, but also thought-provoking and mezmerizing. I'm convinced more than ever that Clive Owen is a brilliant actor. He does just as well in this sort of "every man" action role as he does in the very character-specific dramatic roles of say Gosford Park or Croupier.

When you go to the theatre to check out this film, you'll find yourself immersed in a world of decay and violence. There are images that seem just out of of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal, and scenes of terrorist bombings that could be taking place in almost any major city today. This "future" is so bleak that humans have even lost the ability to have children.

What's so harrowing about Alfonso Cuaron's new film is that it is meant to take place only 20 years in our future. Sadly, his vision of 2027 seems fairly convincing--a place where pollution, war, and the suspension of human rights and dignity have created a world in which none of us will want to live. You might even say a world in which none of us would want to bring new life.

Oh the Power of Pop Tarts

I love this story about the Ken Barnes, Jr. (above left), the American who tried to sail alone around the world. Last week around South America's Cape Horn, his boat began to sink and he had to stay afloat and alive in ice-cold Pacific Ocean waters until he was rescued by a fishing boat. He stayed alive by eating Pop Tarts and granola bars.

I can only imagine who will play the good looking sailor when his story is optioned for a tv movie. I nominate cutie actor Richard Ruccolo (above right), though he'll have to get all gruff and sport a beard. But can't you already hear it, "brought to you commercial free by our friends at Pop Tarts."

Mario Lopez News

Hot off the presses...

For those of you missing Mario Lopez since his second place finish (he was robbed!) on Dancing with the Stars, he'll be hosting this year's Miss America Pageant on January 29.

I'd Return to Volver

The spanish word volver is an infinitive that means "to return" or "to come back." And after seeing Pedro Almodovar's newest film, I can easily say I'd retun to check it out again.

Almodovar's movies are always quirky and fun, but their overall effect can be hit or miss. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown and All About My Mother were dramatic and funny all at once. But when you examine Bad Education or Talk to Her, you realize that often his over-the-top mentality doesn't lend itself well to telling a compelling story. As much as I loved seeing Gael Garcia Bernal in dripping wet tighty whities, when I left Bad Education I wasn't sad it was over.

But Volver is a movie that sticks with you. It lulls you into its funny spell and by the time it takes darker turns, you're already hooked. Centering on what it means to be a family, the story is both familiar and surprising.

The biggest surprise for me is that Penelope Cruz can really act. She's not just a doe-eyed dark-haired vision, walking through the part. Forget that she once dated Tom Cruise. Don't let it bother you that Almodovar made her wear a prosthetic ass so that her butt seemed more dumpy. Cruz owns her character of Raimunda, and she'll certainly be nominated for an Oscar.

In fact, all the acting is sensational. I'm not sure what strange rock Almodovar looks under to find his let's say "off beat-looking" supporting actors, but they have acting chops as well. And when you take great acting and pair it with a story that feels fresh and new, you get a movie that only adds to Almodovar's already prestigious arsenal.

Courtney Cox's Dirt is the Worst Kind of Unclean

Dirt = vanity project.

It's Tuesday night and I'm in the middle of this new sho and all I can think is "poor Courtney Cox."

This is Courtney's first series post Friends and you have to give her credit because she did go for a new "gritty" show on the cable network F/X. Trouble is, it's horrible. It's about a Hollywood tabloid magazine. It should be hip, and funny, and smart. Like Melrose Place meets The OC with a dash of The Shield.

But instead it's like F/X is trying to remake Robert Altman's The Player for television and it just doesn't work. A show that could be fun and easy digestible is really only a self-important vehicle for Courtney Cox. She deserves better, and so do we.

Dreamgirls is More Like Dreamgirl

I caught Dreamgirls over the holidays and I wish there was some really keen observation I could make that hasn't already been said. But really there isn't.

The movie belongs to Jennifer Hudson. Heart. Soul. Voice. Emotion. All of it. She's nothing short of amazing, and I'm sure she'll be nominated for an Oscar. She may even win.

The movie overall? It's great. Full of heart, with tons of emotion. Who would have thought Eddie Murphy could give a great, dramatic performance? Beyonce is even okay. She starts off a bit too wide-eyed, but she finally nails it toward the end of them movie. Close your eyes and it's uncanny how much she begins to sound like Diana Ross.

The movie only has two real downfalls: 1) It seems to lack some energy. Maybe I'm being picky, but even during most of the showstopping numbers I wanted more. I'm not sure if the cinematography is too intimate, or maybe it is the lighting and staging. But I wanted more pizazz. And again...this is just a small flaw. 2) The only real downfall of the movie can be summed up in two words: Jamie Foxx. He's terrible. Really just awful. A truly wooden, one-note performance. He sleepwalks through the film.

But none of that really matters in the end. The movie belongs to Jennifer Hudson. Go and watch her shine. It's her music, her voice, her journey. It's even her movie (and her character Effie's)--we're just along for the ride.

P. Diddy Sells Dog Fur Jackets

Granted, Sean Combs probably had no idea that his made-in-China "high fashion" jackets were actually made of dog fur, not faux fur. But I liken this to the Kathy Lee Gifford sweat-shop story.

If you are going to put your name on something, which means you are authenticating it as a product you endorse...then you better damn well make sure that it's up to your standards. Do some background work, or better yet, pay your staff to do the background work. But apologizing later after a horrible discovery has been made just seems too little too late.

Barbara Walters is a Genius

By inviting Rosie O'Donnell to cohost on The View, Babs killed several birds with one stone: a) she got no-talent Starr Jones off the air; b) she improved ratings for The View tremendously; and c) she got people talking about The View--she created buzz for a show that was well past its prime.

The thing I like about Rosie, is that she offers a real opinion. She may put her foot in her mouth, and she may not always have a smart thing to say, but she's honest. This feud with Donald Trump is hilarious simply because Donald is trying to get ratings for his new Apprentice--a show that has also passed its prime. Remember when the last Apprentice came out? Donald attacked Martha Stewart. A month or two ago they release the news that he fired Carolyn. And now he's attacking Rosie.

If anyone is a "bully," it's the Donald. He's a dumbass bore with a bad sense of humor.

Kiefer Sutherland a Cowboy?

Who ever would have thought that hunky Kiefer (one my first crushes) is a bonafide cowboy? After that horrible 1994 Woody Harrelson (ugh) cowboy movie called The Cowboy Way, Kiefer got into roping. He actually won two national roping titles in 1998.

The Lost Room is Over...

....At least for now.

I'm hoping SciFi picks up the miniseries as a bonafide series sometime next year. From the completely unique and quirky plot to the great acting by Peter Krause and Juliana Margolis, it was a fantastic show. If you didn't catch all three 2-hour episodes this week, SciFi is replaying them in a marathon this Sunday. Don't miss out!

The Lost Room

The first 2-hour segment of SciFi's 6-hour miniseries The Lost Room premiered last night and I have to say I was floored. While it was a little slow to get going, the show is fascinating. Part of me wants to compare it to Twin Peaks because the show is so smart and ahead of its time. But whereas Twin Peaks was rife with humor, The Lost Room is awash in paranoia and loss.

It's a great show and I can't wait to see Peter Krause again tonight.

Ellen Rocks My World

When I saw a shorter version of this Ellen Degeneres commerical for Amex the other day, I nearly wet my pants. But the long version is even funnier.

Ellen is a genius.

Catch The Lost Room Tonight

SciFi is airing the first 2 hours of its new miniseries The Lost Room tonight. It starts Peter Krause of Six Feet Under (and Buffy) fame. It looks fantastic, and the network has been promoting the hell out of it.

Let's chat about it tomorrow.

Tyler and James win The Amazing Race...

And finally the boring season is over.

Was it me or were the laughs and fights and general drama too few and far between this season? I'm not sure when it begins again, but I hope it doesn't follow football or baseball or whatever. I barely watched because it never aired on schedule.

Battlestar News

Kristin at EOnline has posted a great chat with Ron Moore, the creator of SciFi's Battlestar Galactica--the best show on tv. Moore discusses everything from the other cylon models we haven't seen to the search for Earth.

But what alarmed me most is that there are only two more episodes before we take a Battlestar break until Spring 2007. Sad...

Project Runway and Tim Gunn

There seems to be an anxious buzz lately about the next season of Project Runway. When will it begin? Is it true that Tim Gunn may not be a part of the show.

Mark my words: Bravo will do whatever it takes to get Gunn back for the next season. Project Runway is the only true bonafide hit that Bravo has, and its buzz is off the charts. There is no way they are going to mess with a winning formula.

Remember how Kathy Griffin was having trouble getting a second (and third) season pickup for her My Life on the D-List? I think Bravo just likes to play hardball to see how much $ they can save. But the thing about Tim Gunn is that Bravo needs him more than he needs Bravo.

My Sleep Study

The term seems simple enough: sleep study. As I sleep, doctors will study me, right? But no, my friend. Though the term implies sleep, there was almost none of that to be had last night in Chevy Chase, Maryland as I was hooked up to 17 electrodes and one in the nose breathing tube.

Let's start at the beginning. I snore. Horribly. Forcibly. Sometimes waking myself up and making strange noises. A few friends, one of them a doctor, mentioned that I might have sleep apnea. So I began the ordeal a month ago when I visited an ENT. Dr. Schonfeld walked in and said, "Yep, you've got bad anatomy. Tiny nasal passages. I bet you snore."

So there I was last night at the sleep center where they would record me sleeping and measure my brainwaves, breathing, leg twitching. You name it, there was a wire hooked up to it. (Well, not every single thing). I'm in bed at 10:30. That's the most laughable thing because I haven't been to sleep before midnight in years. And I was hooked up to the aforementioned 17 electrodes: one on each leg, several in my hair, on my face, on my chest. A heart monitor on my finger. It was horrible. My nurse Jackie even put a breathing tube in my nose so she could measure my breathing.

Jackie leaves the room and I hear her in the dark like the voice of God, "Blink five times. Move your left ankle. Clear your throat." I fully expected Ashton Kutcher to walk in with a friend or two and say I'd been punked.

You can't imagine what it's like to sleep with wires all over your face and on your legs. I roll around when I'm trying to get to sleep and every time I turned or moved last night, I had to pull a bundle of wires and make sure the air tube hadn't come out of my nose. With all this discomfort, and the pressure of knowing I was being watched and recorded, it took at least an hour to get to sleep. Ususally it takes 10 minutes or so.

I woke up at 1:30 a.m. What I dreaded most had come true: I had to go to the bathroom.

I lean up in the dark and wave at the camera. "Jackie, I have to go to the bathroom," I say. Nothing. No voice of God. No light comes on. I fumble across the desk to try to turn the light on but instead send my cell phone flying across the room. I sit up in bed for about 10 minutes feeling like a child or an adult who can't take care of himself. Jackie finally walks in and unplugs me from the machines, but then I have to go in the bathroom carrying the box which has all 17 wires still plugged into it.

Nightmare.

So I get back in bed, and this time I bet it takes me another hour, maybe an hour and a half to get back to sleep. God, er, Jackie, wakes me up at 6:15 a.m. and rips all 17 electrodes off. The only saving grace is that I had a baseball cap to cover the globs of goo that were still in my hair.

Suffice it to say, should you ever need a sleep study, dread it. Avoid it. If you go, don't drink anything beforehand, and be sure to bring a baseball cap to wear home. I can imagine no worse fate than leaving sticky globs on the benches of the Metro as you ride home from Chevy Chase at 6 a.m.

NEWSFLASH: Congress to Work a 5-Day Week!

Can you believe this is even news--the fact that some members of Congress are mad that starting in January when the Dems take over, they will have to work a 5-day work week?

It shows how crazy our elected officials have gotten. Look at this quote by Republican Jack Kingston from Georgia: "Keeping us up here eats away at families. Marriages suffer. The Democrats could care less about families -- that's what this says."

Hmm. Maybe what this says is that the Democrats are tired of people like Kingston flying home on Thursdays and returning to Washington on Tuesdays. Maybe the Democractic leadership wants Congress to actually have to work like the rest of us.

Back to the Rudeness Issue

Last week I made fun of President Bush (surprise) when he said to Senator-elect Jim Webb, "how's your boy?" and Webb told him that he thought we should be out of Iraq. Of course Bush answered, "That’s not what I asked you.”

Republicans on tv and in the media began talking about how rude Webb was, and I mentioned how Cheney can flick off all of Congress and yell "fuck you" and no one talks about him being rude.

Turns out, Webb's son had a "recent brush with death" a few weeks ago and Bush was warned to be sensitive about the issue. Yeah, right.

So imagine that you're Webb. Your son is in a war that has no purpose and has been handled poorly from the beginning, he nearly died a week or so ago, and your head-in-the-sand Commander in Chief shoots out a "how's your boy?" with a smile.

Rude? No. If anything Webb showed a great deal of restraint.

Heroes

The show is taking interesting turns, but I'm skeptical....

Glad glad glad that Eden bit the dust, but a little thrown off about a few things: a) how did Sylar use his powers like that? b) did Peter stay around the radiation guy a while? Is that why he's the one who blows up?

I guess Heroes is the kind of show you just enjoy, and don't really think too much about. I won't be sitting on the edge of my seat until January 22, but I will certainly be watching when it comes back on next year.

Eyecandy Not Gay in Real Life

Interesting story on TMZ today about Shawn Pyfrom. Evidently he was a presenter at a recent benefit for gay teens. But there was so much whistling and oogling and shouting as he introduced a musical performance by Lucy Lawless, that Shawn became "visibly uncomfortable."

I guess it goes to show that playing gay for pay is just that...playing gay. Even if you are a dreamboat. But kudos to him for going to the event in the first place.

Team Bama Sucks

No, I'm not talking sports--I'm referencing the The Amazing Race. I've barely been able to follow the show this season because Sunday night football means that the Race starts at a delayed time--which my TiVo doesn't like. So I was getting like the first 30-40 mins of each show and then would miss the ending. Not fun.

But, the Bama team (two single mothers from Alabama) are the first all-female team ever to make it to the final three and they couldn't be less deserving. They aren't great racers, they're petty, and they are mean as shit. The only reason they made it to the end was that the Cho brothers (who were nice but stupid) carried Bama the whole way.

So, I'm not rooting for Bama. And I'm not rooting for the pseudo-gay, drug addict, bedhead models. That means I'm left with Rob and Kimberly to root for which is a nightmare. Did you see Kimberly scream as people threw tomatoes at her in Barcelona?

To wrap up: Elke and I should have been on The Amazing Race this season. Anyone who knows us will concur that we would've won--big time. Yes, I know it's easy to say, but it's true. Elke would've done all the eating challenges in record speed. I would've done all the competitive running around challenges. And Elke's amazing sense of direction would have been our ace in the hole. Plus, we may have fought or bickered, but we would have had tons of fun and looked good doing it. Alas...

The Train Wreck that is Lindsay Lohan...

Lindsay Lohan's mother and publicist are on a mission: to let the world know that Lindsay is working on her drinking. She's even been attending AA meetings.

It's a "positive step" blah blah. And "give her time" blah blah. But the funniest thing of all was actually said by Lohan's own publicist, Leslie Sloane.

Talking of Lohan and the AA process Sloane says, "and, by the way, she's not saying ... she'll stop drinking tomorrow." Yeah, thanks for clearing that up.

First Awful Battlestar

Well, statistically speaking, it had to happen. Battlestar Galatica had a shitty episode.

I wondered from the previews how boxing (???) and Battlestar were going to mesh. What I discovered is that they didn't mesh. The whole back and forth structure (a la Lost) just didn't work for the show. That's sad too because it was a great dramatic revelation that Starbuck and Apollo are in love, but Starbuck went ahead and got married out of fear. A revelation that was wasted in a terrible episode of such a great show.

DeVito as the Penguin

I didn't see a drunk Danny DeVito on The View this week, and I'm a little sad about it. But maybe I can go rent the Batman movie where he plays the Penguin. I bet it's just the same.

Tears, We're Talking Tears, Folks

Grey's Anatomy made me cry last night. Granted, I had a shitty day overall--work, money, love--but the episode was just so good.

I know that Grey's is melodramatic. And I know that half the stuff on the show would never happen in a real hospital. But last night's closing dialogue about closeness and how each of us needs it was heartwrenching. To me it wasn't schmaltzy or contrived--it felt emotionally earned. Of course the closing shot was of Meredith clinging to her mother who has Alzheimers, the camera moving in closer and closer to her face where you can see she's starting to cry.

Smallville Reminder...

You can't forget to watch Smallville tonight on the CW. It looks to be the cheesiest most nutball episode of the season. Clark discovers his newest power..... wait for it...wait for it...super breath!

The episode is called "Sneeze." And no, I'm not kidding. Smallville is the definition of guilty pleasure.

God Bless Nora Ephron and Jim Webb...

I read this blog on Huffingtonpost and had to link to it. Nora gets it right about newly-elected Virginia Senator Jim Webb--finally someone in Washington has the balls to call frat-boy Bush on his shit. I love it.

When I hear that Jim Webb showed bad manners, I ask what people thought about our Vice President flicking someone off then yelling "fuck yourself" on the floor of the Senate. Now that's manners.

How Did I Forget to Mention Veronica?

I was crazy busy yesterday and just failed to mention my thoughts on Tuesday night's fall finale of Veronica Mars.

As I mentioned, I'm a big fan of the heroine running in slow motion to angsty music while her hair flies behind her. (Well, I guess I mean Buffy mostly). And it was cool that the episode started at the height of action (that's en media res for you literary types), then went back and showed us how we got there.

But I don't know. I was a bit--just a bit--disappointed. I think I expected something more shocking. And as fun as it was to watch Veronica attack someone with a unicorn....eh.

(Oh, the slutty Kristen Bell (Veronica) pic is for any straight male readers I may have). I need to stay fair and balanced.

Shame on Bones

I've gotten really hooked on Fox's show Bones because it's really well written and has great chemistry between the main leads. But last night's "ripped from the headlines" story was just sad. It was a complete rehash of The Blair Witch Project and it just stank to high heaven. I'm hoping this was just one small misstep for the series and not a turn in the wrong direction.

Trump - Carolyn = Grating

NBC has announced that its moving The Apprentice to Sunday nights when it begins this January. I've always found Donald Trump especially repulsive, but at least his stupidity was tempered in part by Carolyn and her mean smiles and icy cold stare.

But with Carolyn gone, since Trump "fired her" last year, I'm not sure I'll stick around for this version of the show. We'll see...

Real World Hits an All-Time Low

The Real World may be in the mile-high city, but it seems to be sinking lower and lower, and faster than ever. The funny, drunk hi-jinx of seven strangers picked to live in a house has become a sleazy, lushy, slutty parody of itself.

Whereas we used to get fairly interesting, smart, and half-real kids with pretentious names like Elka, Amaya, Puck, Ruthie, Cyrus, now we get grade-A dumbasses that can barely do anything sober and have trouble formulating even a simple sentence. It's not just the kids that get more extreme--MTV has tried to outdo itself each year with the house, the job, and the trips the cast takes.

Viewers have noticed the change. Real World numbers are waaaaay down. I hope the producers learn their lesson. They forged what we call reality tv with a little show called The Real World nearly 15 years ago. It's sad they've embraced airheads and drunks for contrived drama, when watching real young adults live together would be so much more interesting. It used to be kind of a guilty pleasure to watch Real World--now it's nearly excruciating.

Tomorrow I'll talk about the Denver cast...

Poor Luke

A coworker of mine has been super sad and super mad at the 180 degree story turn the Gilmore Girls has taken this year. With Lorelai pursuing a romance (and now married) to her old flame Christopher, it hasn't looked good for a return to the loving days of Luke and Lorelai.

For 3-4 episodes, Luke was barely in the picture. 2 minutes with his daughter in this show segment. Another minute or 2 in the diner with customers. But if anyone was really worried that Luke was going the way of the doodoo, last night proved Luke is around to stay. Have you noticed we're seeing more and more of Luke each episode--he even had a fairly long scene with Lorelai weeks ago. And it looks like he will be battling for rights over his newfound daughter, or at least having more smackdowns with the mother.

So as Luke tv time increases, we also see that no one in Lorelai's life seems to be warming up to her marriage with Chris. But I, for one, love that the couple ended up together after having a daughter 20 years earlier--it's romantic. And I get all tingly when sexy Chris is on screen. But as great as I think Chris is, it's clear the writers are now penning him into a corner--he's immature, he's bratty, he throws his money around. I think the writers aren't developing him fully on purpose, because we all know Lorelai will end up with Luke. Sad, but true.

Hot Hot Hottie

In all, I may have watched 84 minutes total of ABC's series The Bachelor. That's less than an hour and a half, and we're talking a cumulative total of viewing minutes for all 9 Bachelor shows so far.

But ABC has just gotten their new bachelor for season 10, and he is hottie mchot. Andy Baldwin is a a 30-year-old Navy “undersea medical officer for a special operations dive unit stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.” He went to Duke, was a triathlete, a swimmer, and has competed in the Ironman a number of times. He is a gay man's wet dream. Check him out.

D-List Love!

Rock the fuck on! I'm just tickled pink that Bravo has renewed Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List for a third season! Sure it's only 6 more episodes, but you can TiVo back and forth to make Kathy dance or say funny things over and over.

I heart her. And I heart her rat costume video.

ABBA Museum

Who wants to go to Sweden with me in 2008?

Golden Globes Already

Believe it or not, Golden Globe nominations are almost upon us--December 14th! The only thing I'm sure of is that The Queen and Helen Mirren will be up. Also...buzz is big that Dreamgirls is the picture to beat this year. It's gotten fantastic reviews.

Rob Lowe to Stay on Brothers and Sisters?

Michael Auseillo at TVGuide is reporting that producers of Brothers and Sisters are in talks with Rob Lowe for him to join the show for good. It's fantastic news for a few reasons. 1) Lowe is good and 2) It's a show of faith for the ABC drama.

On Sylar and Studio 60

Heroes was great again last night. And it even seemed like they brought in some better writers to give the actors real things to say. I was impressed.

How freakass creepy is Sylar, that he can look into the people and see what's "wrong" with them--hence his need to take their brain (and their talents). Bizarre. You go, Tori Spelling's best friend.

And Studio 60 was funny, but they still need to dig deeper into the characters. Um, who do you think got Jordan pregnant?

Taylor Hicks is a Thankless Hack

Read this article about Taylor Hics on realityblurred.com. The thankless fucker is already talking about how he doesn't watch American Idol and hated the songs they made him sing. Now that he's a "big" "star" (yeah, right), he wants to put distance between himself and the show. Kelly Clarkson is the only real idol that the show has ever produced.

Kramer is "Shattered"

Yeah, right. "Shattered" that he got caught be racist. Too little, too late, my friend.