Paris Hilton ATTACKED! BITTEN!

...by her pet kinkajou, Baby Luv. If you're wondering what a kinkajou is (as I wondered), then visit Wikipedia. It's a rainforest mammal much like a raccoon. But this animal attack story has so much going for it, that I think we need to walk through this together.

1) Why does Paris Hilton have a kinkajou? Is it legal? If it is legal, is she allowed to walk it around town on a leash?
2) Why the Hell did she name a jungle mammal Baby Luv?
3) How fucking funny is it that her beloved Baby Luv bit her and she had to go to the hospital?
4) Can you imagine being Paris' publicist and getting a 3 a.m. phone call from the hospital because of Baby Luv's attack?
5) MTV actually showed a clip of Baby Luv trying to bite Paris the same day she went to the hospital. It's on the TMZ site.

Crazy Britney Spears

You have got to watch this video. It's at the bottom of the linked page. Britney is disoriented, crazy, and appears to be drunk or high. It's a riot.

I Wanna Be a Soap Star Ends Horribly

After a few months of half-assed watching I Wanna Be a Soap Star on Soap Net, I got a bit hooked. It was like watching a horrible horrible train wreck, but with people who had good hair. There were 10 contestants and most of them were pretty good. But the whole competition there was this one guy, Mikey, who couldn't memorize lines, couldn't act his way out of a paper bag, but the judges said he had a "likeability factor." Well, he won last night over my new-age Courtney Cox lookalike--Kelly.

I admit I was sad and a bit angry over his win. If all they wanted was a pretty face, why even go through the motions of having an acting contest. I mean, Mikey can't say the word "parade." He pronounces it "parody" during a karoake competition--watch it. And if you want a real laugh, watch the first two clips on this page: the producers synch in new-age music as Kelly describes how she has learned to be "emotionally clean"; and Mikey shows us how hiccupping and burping help him cry in sad scenes. I'm not kidding.

The Death Knell of Lost?

A few months ago I predicted that Lost would go the way of Alias--that its producers would get so many kudos they would start getting more work on other shows and spread their time too thin. Then it looked like, "well, maybe notsomuch--J.J. is coming back to write and direct."

Well, today at TV Guide there is an article about J.J. Abrams new Star Trek movie (he will produce and may direct). And guess what? Turns out he is also employing one of the main Lost producers on the movie too. Damon Lindelof will also produce. So it doesn't look good for Lost. I have a feeling Lindelof will go the way of J.J. Abrams and David E. Kelly--getting too busy for his own good. And that can only detract from the quality of the show.

Project Runway Surprise

No, it wasn't a shock that Bradley was given the boot. The surpise is that for two competitions in a row Angela has had a nice, no, a really nice design. Maybe she needs to be "inspired" to do good work. Her inspiration last week (which I didn't really buy) was the Empire State Building and this week it was Audrey Hepburn. I didn't know that the cargo pants-wearing Angela, with all her crazy scrunchy skirts, had a good design or two in her. Color me puzzled.

Now, I don't think Angela's got a chance in Hell to win. My bet's still on Uli. But wasn't it great to see all the designers with their models and their 70's fashion icons? I loved it. Kudos to Kayne and to Michael for their great designs too. And honestly, wasn't it a much-deserved win for Michael? His hot pink Pam Grier look was rockin'.

They're Making it Easy to Catch Up on Galactica

SciFi Channel must know it has a hit on its hands. The 3rd season of Battlestar Galactica will start this October, but the channel has created a catch up show: The Story So Far. The show will air on SciFi, Bravo, USA and a number of other new networks so that nearly everyone on the planet can take part in the crazy-ass drama excitement of (and I'll probably say this again) the best show on television. Not just the best scifi show--the best show.

Family Infighting

ABC's new fall show Brothers and Sisters has undergone a lot of changes and we're not even to fall yet. Makes me think it's either going to be a brilliant show, or just a huge mess.

The show's original matriarch was actress Betty Buckley, who left a month or so ago and was replaced by Sally Field. And now there's word that the show's head writer Marti Noxon (of Buffy fame) is leaving because of "creative differences" with the show runner. It's a shame this is shaping up to be a long haul for this show because it boasts some fine actors: Calista Flockhart, Rachel Griffiths, Ron Rifkin, Patricia Wettig, Tom Skerritt and Balthazar Getty.

Anniston and Vaughn to Wed

Us magazine is running a story that Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn are (finally) engaged. I don't care much about this story, though they're both really talented comedians. I'll admit when Brad and Jennifer broke up I was a bit sad for Jennifer. I do think it's worked out great though.

A) From what I hear, Brad literally stinks. Like he doesn't shower, which is why Paltrow broke up with him years ago. And B) though Angelina is a great actress, she's a skank. I mean...anyone who ever carried a vile of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck...well, I just don't want to say. So Stank and Skank belong together as far as I'm concerned.

I'm Worried About Jessie on Workout

Last night on Workout Jessie watched Jackie's house in Hollywood and a mini party ensued. So this next week the previews show him getting in trouble--Jackie says, "We're through" and I can't tell if she means "leave my office" or "you're fired." I hope it's the former.

But....go to Bravo and you can watch Jessie doing a great chest workout. Grrr....And the pic above is from a series of Jesse glute excercise pics.

Aquaman TV Pilot

The Aquaman tv pilot, starring former Passions hottie Justin Hartley, is the #1 downloaded show on iTunes right now. There's some speculation that if enough people watch the pilot, the CW may change its mind and pick the show up which is produced by the Smallville team. My guess is that filming a show with underwater scenes (and scenes on the water) just is too expensive, but I sure would love to see Hartley shirtless every week.

The pilot wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't bad either, much like Smallville. I could definitely see there were places it could go, so I'm little sad the show wasn't picked up for the fall. Maybe everything new on the CW will suck this fall and Aquaman will be a midseason replacement. Or maybe this is all a ruse to get interest in a show which is secretly slated to start midseason.

Project Runway Soars

Evidently the ratings for last week's Project Runway episode where Keith was ejected for scandal were astronomical for Bravo. 3.4 million people watched on cable. Overall, Runway ratings are up way over last year. Here's hoping that Vincent or little-head-big-neck Jeff is gone tonight--but I don't it. You know producers like to keep the crazies on as long as they can.

Tori Spelling's Woes

I read today that Tori Spelling had planned a really nice tribute to her father Aaron, to air on ABC this fall. Several stars of his past shows had already taped interviews and Tori was working to produce the show when Mommy Dearest (Candy Spelling) pulled the plug. According to the report, she wouldn't release any of the clips from shows like Dynasty and The Love Boat once she heard Tori was involved in the project.

If you ask me, I do feel sorry for Tori. You know it was hard to grow up in a house like that with a father who basically knew everybody and a mother who has shown herself to be pretty controlling. So Tori goes out and starts her own show this year on VH1 which completely makes fun of herself and manages to have a few smallish barbs directed at her family, and Mommy Dearest goes even more wackoo. Keeps her from the funeral, releases awful statements to the press, gets involved in Tori's tribute. Someone died....a father, a husband, and a great tv producer. How about focusing on that instead of being petty.

Chris Daughtry Get Some New Digs

American Idol finalist Chris Daughtry has just bought a new house for $690,000. It's nearly 3,800 square feet and is in a small town called Oak Ridge in North Carolina. It's four bedrooms and...why am I even pretending to write something interesting? We all know it's just an excuse to post this cute pic.

Lindsay Lohan to Iraq?

I swear, what this girl won't do to get rid of that "false" party girl image. Now Lindsay Lohan is talking about going on a trip to Iraq with Hillary Clinton. She wants to "entertain" the troops. Er, not sure how that's going to work.

My favorite part of the report is this quote: "she would prepare for her trip to Iraq by taking shooting lessons with her security guard." WTF? I'm sure the army won't give her a gun to defend herself, so what's she gonna do, smuggle one in?

$1 Million to Paris Hilton

Oh yeah, when I mentioned that story about Paris Hilton being savvy yesterday, I forgot to point out that her "famous just for being 'famous'" act has gotten her $1 million dollar gigs just to wave at crowds.

P. Diddy as James Bond???

I have no idea if this is true, but The Sun is reporting this James Bond-related tidbit by Jamie Foxx. he thinks that P. Diddy should have earned the upcoming James Bond slot over the actor Daniel Craig. Okaaaaay....a black James Bond isn't a bad idea, but A) P. Diddy can't act. So that might be a problem there. B) Daniel Craig is an actor. Hmmm...

I think Foxx is a no-talent in dramatic roles. I'll admit I've never seen Ray, but every other "dramatic" performance I've seen by Foxx has been laughable. And now he has this "great" album out. I hope he goes the way of Eddie Murphy and "Party all the Time."

Studio Execs to Tom Cruise: Have a "Reality Check"

The karma-thon continues. Another article about Tom Cruise and Paramount. The annual deal he has had with Paramount for 13-years was not renewed this year because Cruise wanted too much money. I guess he didn't realize what a joke he's become. The article says studio execs think Cruise faces "a reality check and finanical adjustment." I love it.

Bush in the Toilet

It's great that Bush's poll numbers are down, but what about this: Americans 18 to 24 give him only a 20% approval rating. That's compared to the 40% approval rating among Americans of all ages. Doesn't it give you a bit of hope to know the kids aren't falling for his shit, like their parents and grandparents?

Paris Hilton = Prude?

Okay...you have to hand it to Paris. The girl is her own PR machine. If a week or two goes by and there hasn't been a big Paris scoop, of course she releases some tidbit: she's back with an ex; she's really only "playing" a character; or maybe even that she's taking a year off sex.

I would say that she is boatloads of crazy, but the thing is it doesn't even matter that we'll all seen Paris in sex tape--Paris is getting us to talk about her. So she may not be that smart, she may not have that much style, but she sure gets the attention everytime she wants it and that shows that either a) there's something going on upstairs in that head of hers; or b) she's hired a great great publicist.

Kyle XY and Three Moons Over Milford

I'm completely embarrassed to admit this, but I'm now following not one, but two shows on ABC Family channel! Believe it or not, they're both really good. Maybe a touchy syrupy, but still great. The first is Kyle XY about this kind of super-savaant kid who has no memory, and the second show is Three Moons Over Milford which concerns the goings-on in a small Vermont town when the moon has cracked in three and everyone thinks the world is going to end.

Both scifi shows are a bit overacted, but have great plots and one or two stand-out actors. For Kyle XY, it's the title character played by Matt Dallas. Everything he sees or hears is new to him and his big innocent eyes do the trick. For Milford, the stand-out actress is the Elizabeth McGovern. True, sometimes she's a bit cloying, but I have a feeling it's a show that will "grow on you."